I dream of you still. Sunday it will be one year since you closed your eyes forever. You still live in my heart.
I dreamt last night of you right before you passed. You were uncomfortable. Your eyes were swollen with one eye half shut, but a smile still on your face and in your heart. You never uttered a complaint about the pain you experienced. One of my babies was with you and you were caring for her.
One of my babies who never woke up.
I miss you both.
I miss the warmness of your heart, sweet grandmother. So unique. So full of love, though you would never say the words “I love you”. Before I left your side, in my dream we embraced. The warmest longest eternal hug. I said goodnight to you, tucked you in and kissed your forehead after you were already asleep. I laid with my baby until she fell asleep just like I do my children now. You both were happy. I was overjoyed to see you both. I was grateful you were with her. My husband and other children were kind and patient enough to stay awake and wait for me in the car while I visited you and our baby.
I’m glad you’re not suffering anymore. I’m glad your soul is resting and still smiling. I still want you physically near. I want to be able to hug you, not just in my dreams. It’s amazing to me that your heart can still feel so close to mine with one deep warm embrace. I’ll always love you my sweet grandmother. Thank you for showing me one true and pure pathway of love. Thank you for showing me how powerful a mother’s love can be. Thank you for being with my sleeping daughter. I will love you always.
A snapshot of my life now, I’m pregnant and due in June. For almost the whole pregnancy I have felt whiny, uncomfortable, irritated and scared of birth. I want the baby, but don’t want to have do birth again. The morning while in the shower, after this dream I heard the words “love stretches beyond worlds”. My grandmother reminded me how much I will love this child. Despite the discomfort, my love for our new baby will stretch beyond life and death.
For those if you who knew her, shocking right?! Joyce reminded Suzanne of the depth of love after her passing. Thanks Grandma.