Grain of Rice
My husband and I are expecting our third child. To say the least, I feel an intense myriad of emotions. I always do with pregnancy. I feel so sensitive to my own needs and the needs of those around me. There is a woman in my life that does reiki and myofascial unwinding. She is who I seek out if I am really stuck. She has such tenderness and light it helps clarify things for me almost immediately. During almost every session I have intense visions that can be simultaneously beautiful and painful. I find that these therapies just help me process mindbody issues quickly.
We had a beautiful session today. I came in feeling "unsupported". I am anxious being a mother of 3 small children and maintaining my practice. I fear I wont be enough for my children. I fear being out of touch with what they need. There are a few people in my life, this emotion particularly stings with when I feel unsupported. During my session, I felt the embodiment and weight of what it truly feels like to be neglected, not cared about, cast aside and met with anger when expressing my authentic needs.
It hurts. It stings.
She worked in my back. I felt as if I couldn't breath.
Then she moved to my head. As I was unwinding, as if looking a panoramic picture, I took a long look from left to right, and back again. I saw thousands of people, some faces I recognize and some faces I didn't. Some faces I knew were deceased and some I know were still alive. All of them met me with a grain of rice, that represented a small amount of wisdom. A small gift that will help me along this journey. They all were joyful, smiling and happy to see me. This vision helped me realize there is no one person that is supposed to support me, but there are thousands each with a small gift. No one person is supposed to bring me a bag of rice to help guide me through motherhood. I am most definitely NOT alone, I just need to be wise enough and open enough to accept the small gifts from those around me.
The woman helping me today, kept hearing the words "She has her own back". This further helped me accept and take responsibility for discovering joyful work that lies ahead.
I am capable and supported.
We can't wait to meet you sweet girl. I will bravely face, together with my husband and all the grains of wisdom, the challenges and joy that lie ahead.